- Grove City, Pennsylvania

April 12, 2013

Girlz Gone Right offers lessons on life, sex, respect

By Felicia A. Petro/Senior Reporter
Allied News

PINE — Baptists don't have sex standing up because it looks too much like dancing.

This was the type of candor presented by Pam Stenzel for recent back-to-back programs at Grove City Alliance Church in Pine Township about sex and sexuality.

The comic relief served to lighten the mood due to much weightier subject matter Stenzel addressed at the talks; mainly, the prevalence of STDs among young women that can destroy their fertility, future Ð and even lives.

During the first Friday evening talk, called "Girlz Gone Right," Stenzel told an auditorium full of girls 13 and older -- with their mothers, sisters and friends in attendance -- about her nine-year experience working at pregnancy centers in Chicago and Minneapolis.

The girls seeking help often said they "had no idea of the consequences" of their sexual activity, Stenzel said, and if they "only knew" they would have made better choices.

Her frustration about the lack of information provided to young people compelled her toward public speaking to combat the idea that it's natural to have multiple sex partners; Stenzel advocates abstinence Ð preferably virginity Ð until marriage between males and females to keep them safe.

Her gutsy approach is not just talk. Stenzel was conceived after her biological mother was raped; she was adopted and both she and her husband were virgins when they married.

"I'm not the sex police, I just want them to know the consequences. They often don't," said the founder of Enlighten Communications.

The 49-year-old has since been a sought-out international speaker for over 20 years. She speaks to over 500,000 young people annually, she said.

In her careers, she's seen countless unwanted pregnancies, as well as young women in their 20s ready to have kids but their insides are permanently scarred from pelvic inflammatory disease because they didn't know they had contracted a sexually transmitted disease.

Of the 30 major STDs, 26 will damage women, Stenzel said.

"The new curriculum says everyone gets an STD because it's so out of control."

However, condoms won't fully protect people from STDs like herpes and HPV (human papillomavirus) Ð which can infect by skin-to-skin contact. Cervical cancer is a danger known to be primarily caused by HPV, and can result in a radical hysterectomy for young women, who are most at risk.

Furthermore, the idea of passing out condoms and birth control "because everyone is doing it" frustrates Stenzel, because "it doesn't teach kids character, integrity and self respect" as abstinence does, she added.

It's a fallacy that abstinence-only education do not work, Stenzel said. She worked with President George W. Bush and spoke before U.S. legislators before they nixed the small piece of funding provided for abstinence education amid all sex ed money coming from the government, she said.

"We did a lot with that little bit of funding," added Stenzel, who said she didn't take payment from the Bush administration for her work.

She's also sat in the opposite camp, and told a comical story about a workshop she attended by Planned Parenthood and MTV. "Did you know there were 13 steps to putting on a condom properly?" Stenzel said, including a "pen light to do a genital check."

She felt that was more effective in killing the mood than abstinence education, she said. Stenzel hosted an "Impact Training" session for parents the morning after her "Girlz" talk. She said parents can be a hindrance to their kids; often wanting to be their friends, rather than guiding and disciplining them.

Stenzel shared funny stories about her "in your face" parenting with her kids. She didn't allow them to date until they were 16, and only in groups thereafter, which included no school dances. Stenzel believes that dances starting in middle school is too young for kids, and set them up for sexual failure.

It's all about hormones.

Females release oxytocin when they hug and "the brain says "bond,'" she said. "You could be with a moron and not know it." Guys she sees at conferences with "Free Hugs" T-shirts infuriate her, she noted. "It's 'free cop a feel and let's gets some oxytocin to blind you.'"

She knows of girls who killed themselves when their boyfriends broke up with them; oxytocin significantly increases bonding with orgasm, she said. The male counterpart in vassopressin. Like oxytocin, it doesn't discriminate. During orgasm, however, a man can have "a brain bond with a picture," Stenzel said.

Men who sleep with numerous women and look at pornography have difficulty bonding to one woman neurophysically, she added. "It's why Tiger Woods had "treatment.'"

On the other hand, men who have been married for decades and still have that glimmer in his eye for his aging bride "only has vassopressin for her," Stenzel said. Waiting for his wife "creates an unbelievable bond."

Scientists are now trying to find ways to inject vassopressin into the brain of male sex addicts so they can bond with their wives, she noted.

Females often ask Stenzel why they always end up with "losers," she said. She believes it's because the female is living like a loser as well. She told the girls to let "the Word of God be your mirror," she said, rather than what friends, boyfriends or the world thinks she should be on the outside.

Stenzel quoted Col. 3:12 from the Bible: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

"If you are a woman of God, you will get a man of God," she said.

Enlighten Communications ( Published April 13, 2013 in Allied News. Pick up a copy at 201A Erie St., Grove City.